she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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