I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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