I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
