and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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