question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
