it wasn't lemon gatorade
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
