Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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