I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
