Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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