If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
