My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
