I got chris browned last night
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
