ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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