Apparently you make a good broom.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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