Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
