No stitches, just platelets and will power
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
