It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
