just come out here and I will go home with you...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He passed out mid-signature
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
