dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Two words: blizzard sex
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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