He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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