It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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