is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
