I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
