i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we made out on top of his cat.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
