I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
