I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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