Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
