turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
