He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
