its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
operation harelip BJ is a go
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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