1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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