i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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