How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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