Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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