I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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