I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
