I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
