in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
