Your tits are I can't wait for
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
