hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
