This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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