Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
