I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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