Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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