I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I smell stomach acid.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
