this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
