it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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