I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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