And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
