My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize