Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
