I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
