What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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