Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
