I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
