she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
