There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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