Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
