i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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