You smell like stripper and shame
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you will always have a special place in my vag
two words...techno handjob
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”