Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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