sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
