where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
