Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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