I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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