you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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