Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
