Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
