Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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