Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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