Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Blood and glitter go together right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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