Me too!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
