if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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