Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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