I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
